First of all, you sound super nice and I have no clue as to why you’re single; You’re so “Nice!”
Oh wait, I do. You think being nice is the be all and the end. That bullshit needs to stop right there. Being nice is the minimum requirement.
'This film is terrible!' "But the picture is in focus and the dialogue is audible!"
'I don't know about this car…' "It’s got four wheels and an engine!"
'What is this? It tastes disgusting!' "IT WON’T GIVE YOU FOOD POISONING! WHY ARE YOU BEING SO PICKY!"
Niceness, at the end of the day, is worth nothing. It is unexemplary, because it’s just expected. If you think adhering to a baseline of humanity makes you appealing? That is ridiculous and not very nice of you.
Stand out, find your niche. Find out what you can offer someone. Because I bet all these “dickheads and assholes” all the women you put on pedestals* go out with have something to offer them. They aren’t being passively nice in the hopes that someone will fall for them.
*Also, stop putting women on pedestals. That’s gross and problematic. Women are your equals. They aren’t fucking prizes to be won, or idols to be adored, or accessories for you arm. They are humans.
And so what if you think you would be the perfect boyfriend for her? If she doesn’t agree, fucking drop it. Respect her choices.
Nice Guys®™ suffer from the delusion that life is just a very involved Legend of Zelda of Fetch quest. You bring the girl on the date with the flowers you collected, buy the right meal and the correct wine and bring her home and *result noise* you unlocked her vagina! Which is fucking bullshit. You can’t put in niceness tokens into a machine and expect a relationship to come out at the end.
If you aren’t appealing to women, they won’t date you. No amount of baseline niceness will change that. Niceness is boring and unremarkable. And in the case of Nice Guys®™ it’s utterly toxic.
Don’t be nice. Just be kind and have something to offer people besides that.
Also, relationships are in no way the key to unlocking a happy and successful life. Having a partner doesn’t wash away all the crap you were dealing with before. They’re just a person. Not a magic cure. Love is a four letter word, not an enchantment.
This. Just all of this. Forever.
I think the only thing you didn’t touch on is: What the fuck are women “put[ting] nice guys through”? Are we actively making your life harder because we don’t want to fuck you? Are we making you jump through hoops by asking you to buy us shit and take us on nice dates and implying that you’re going to get lucky if you do? No - I’d be willing to bet everything I own that in your case, you’re putting YOURSELF through this bullshit for a girl who has made it abundantly clear that she is in no way, shape, or form interested in you. But you think the “friendship coins” Kirk mentioned will somehow change her mind. How is that even a thing? Not always getting what you want doesn’t mean anyone is “putting you through” anything - it just means that FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLE LIFE YOU DIDN’T FUCKING GET WHAT YOU WANTED. Boo hoo. That’s fucking life. Sometimes it sucks, and we’re lonely and sad, but no matter how lonely and sad you get, you are not ENTITLED TO OTHER HUMAN BEINGS. Not their minds, not their time, not their bodies.
I’m so GD tired of this fucking sense of entitlement. Not only is it annoying and dehumanizing, but recent events have shown that it is FUCKING DEADLY. Will this make some women more afraid to say no? Of course, as I’m sure people like you hope for. But from what I’ve seen on this site, at least, it’s made the rest of us MAD AS HELL and we will put up with so much LESS of your bullshit than ever before.
Fuck “nice guys” and the bullshit they put women through. “Nice guys” make the worst boyfriends in the world. That is all.